You don't need calculator. It isn't math, science nor any other complex studies. You don't need to memorize solutions or put it in the palm of your hand for the exam. All you need is a heart.
For the 1st day of our duty at a home care in Mandaluyong, i was really frightened. As i stepped into the grounds of it, i felt my body was shivering. I should not be afraid, I told myself. Composure, prayer, breathing exercise-- they did not help. As i spent more time in that institution I felt more and more nervous. I sat on a chair with thoughts of many things--what if they get out of the ward and do something to me, how will I talk to my patients or could I even get the urge to talk to them? Battling my feelings was not really easy, for I should look not afraid though inside I felt like going home.
The duty was over, a long sigh from me ended that experience but it wasn't time yet. I didn't know I would still feel the same feelings again. Together with my 2 classmates, we went to a school for children with special needs for our case study. Luckily the director of the school was very liberal in sharing with us their students. We waited for them to arrive. As time passed by, the students were getting more and more. I felt frightened hearing them talk in loud peculiar voices. I couldn't even understand what some were saying. It wasn't easy to sit there and wait. In one instance, a boy with a chair sat in front of me and asked for my name. At first i tried to ignore him and pretended that i was reading a book. But he kept on asking and i thought he would do something if i wouldn't answer him. Sitting there left with no choices, i talked to him. I heard him talk like a 5 year old child, couldn't talk straight as if the words were new to him. Then the bell rang and we saw many of them went to their lines. Some couldn't even stand straight, some were unable to speak, some were so adorable and some looked that they doesn't have a disorder. The teacher told us that we could assist them. To please the teachers, I tried to touch a boy with Down Syndrome then he looked at me and smiled. When we were about to leave, the children waved goodbye and smiled. And there i felt numb.
All my life I'm afraid of strange people. But the duty and the SPED taught me how to be brave. Their smiles, affection, laughter and the way they talked to us--- all of it was a slap to my face. Why should i be frightened when they are just like me, a human being? Yes, at some point they do things that are unusual. But the fact is, they are still human beings. They could feel that we are scared that we don't like them, and i'm really sorry if at one moment in our duty they felt that.
Talking with them doesn't require one to be brave although it is a plus point if you are. Spending some time with them won't cause any harm. I am really sorry for them. I want to help them all but I couldn't. But in one point or another, I know one smile to them means a lot. I am really touched. And i feel deplorably bad for i won't be able to see them again for this is our first and last duty in that instution. Statements like "sana hindi nakami abutan ng habang buhay dito.", "hindi na ako dinadalaw ng pamilya ko.", "masakit ang injection, para kang mamatay.", and "maraming salamat sa inyo", those will really melt your frightened heart, well of course, if you really have a loving heart.
One thing is sure now, they will always be in my prayers.
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