achy breaky heart

15 to 12 midnight. i'm really sleepy and my eyes ache. but i can't understand why i can't sleep. i know that my body is really tired now and it longs for the cold soft sheets of my bed but i really can't sleep. maybe because my heart is still longing for something. the fulfillment of my heart's desire will help me be relaxed and be able to have a good night sleep. but what does my heart want? my mind is filled with confusion. i am thinking of many things though some are not really worthy of my time. some are not big deal but they still affect me somehow. i'm tired of being tired, you know what i mean. tired of hoping and wondering what could have been if blah blah and blah blah. i kept thinking of these things since the day we parted ways. i really want a piece of mind now but my heart won't let me. i've been thinking of the answers why didn't it happen the way i dreamt about it. why am i left hanging on without anyone to catch me? am i the only one feeling this way? what is the purpose? i wanna know the answers and i wanna know it now. i've been hurting for a month now but still there's no way that could help me lessen the pain. no matter how i try to express my feelings it is still the same or it becomes worse. i'm afraid that one day my heart would just stop beating. beating for the dreams we built together, beating for the memories we once shared and beating for the care we once had for each other. what would happen if that day comes? are you gonna be happy, for at least you are now free? will you regret? will you wish you just did something to ease my pain? i will just try not to worry and just be happy. i will just let my heart agonize silently. for i kow time cures all pain. it would be hard but i know someday it will happen.