see you again

i feel sad. it is just 2 days before our summer class. i don't know how to go to school anymore. just a month ago, i am happy at school for my friends are complete, i got beshi, my bitches and the rest of my friends. but now, i just don't know how to walk at school, to eat at the canteen or wherever, to laugh inside the room, to sing, to be happy and to be me. it's really hard to accpet until now that they are gone. they are off to a new school. things happened so fast and i didn't realize that they are already slipping slowly. i don't know why it needs to end like this. can't we be just happy stduying at the same school. it would really be a different section B now. i'm scared of meeting new friends and getting close to them because i'm not sure if they would be there until we graduate. wheww! everything vanished. our plans before graduation, the places we want to go and i'm not sure how many times we wil see each other in a week. seeing them even once a week would be nice. even once a month would still be fine. as long as the sommunication is there, i will feel great. i'm gonna miss them for real. i'll just deal with what happened because God wanted it to be that way and there's nothing i can do about it.

my new family

i was really really sad when i heard that i was transferred to another section. hay bagong pakikisama na naman. but the thought of having to spend time with my old friends made me feel better. at first everything was fine. pero di nagtagal na-miss ko yung mga dati kong blockmates. nakakalungkot kasi iba na talaga kahit pa na kasama ko rin ay yung iba kong former classmates. lalo na nung nalaman ko ang group ko for duty. huhu.. wala akong kilala sa kanila, meron isa lang pero hindi kami ganun kaclose kaya nalulungkot talaga ako. namimiss ko sila jhoy, jhen, mark, noe, joanna, rachel, bea, cheq at eunice. i miss having fun time with them. i miss goofing out with them. i miss their jokes kahit na hindi ko maget agad.. haha.. wow ngayon ko lang narealize ang saya pala namin.. hayyy c1 i miss you all. you will always be in my heart.

ngayon, b1 na ako, uhmm at first i was really sad. i cry to joy most of the times kapag nag-oopen up ako.. hayy ganun din pala nafeefeel nila.. pero xempre this is my group now and i have nothing to do but to accpet them.. it was our first duty today.. after spending 8 hours with them.. haha ang saya ko na rin.. comfortable narin akong kasama sila.. lalo na si km hindi niya ako iniwan kahit mahilig siya magtampo.. kristle, karen, nikki, jr, karl, abhi, bianca, lorie at km haha masaya na ako dahil sa inyo..

pero xempre namimiss ko parin si cari.. kapatid ko yun eh..

this is why i'm hot

waaahh it's already 2:56 am and i still need to do.. uhm wait 120 minus 36.. errr pakicompute na lang.. feeling ko wala nang pumapasok sa isip ko kundi ang thought nang sagot sa simple mathematics na yun. panu ba naman, that's the number of ncp's i still need to make... errr saan ka ba naman kasi nakarinig na gagawa ng 120 plus ncp's and over 70 pictures in 2 weeks?.. damn oh.. sabi ko nung inannounce yung WHOEwork na yun, "asus ang dali naman yan, basta focused at hindi magpapadala sa distractions. kaya mo yan mk!" naiinis pa ako sa mga nagrereklamo about the assignment. waaah pero ngayon ako ngayon tong naghihirap.. huhu.. help help.. pero sa mga oras na ganto haha ang ganda ng ym ko.. daming on-line.. haha mga schoolmates ko ding mahilig sa cramming.. oh well baka ang grades natin magcram din.. hehe.. pero i doubt talaga na iisa isahin ng mga instrucors to.. kasi naman sino rin bang gustong magcheck nito while undas ha? sige sinong may gusto nun? kung sino man yung may gusto nun gagawa ako ng isang libong ncp at magiimbento ako ng mga diagnoses tapos icheck mo ha.. hayy anu ba naman yan nang-aaway pa ako ng tao.. haha parang anxiety lang (fear of the unknown).. fighting with the unknown.. hahaha.. oh well narinig ko may balita about kay britney.. pero hindi ko pinagtuunan ng pansin.. haha bakit kaya gusto ko parin si britney kahit na ang daming bad news about sa kanya.. haha kasi naman britney is britney like mk is mk.. haha wala lang masabi.. oh well osige babalik na ako sa pagsurf.. haha kala mo assignment noh.. as i've said earlier mahilig ako sa cramming. sa saturday pa naman to ipapasa.. may time pa ako.. bahala na si britney.. ay congrats nga pala kay erap.. woohoo! sana yung instructor din namin nagbibigay ng pardon noh.. waaahhh!!! uhm ngaun ko lang napansin, walang kuneksyon yung title ko sa blog na to.. haha!!

sims life

i was playing sims last night when i remembered i still have final exams the next day, two more minor subjects. when i looked at the watch it was already 9:30 pm so i decided to turn off the computer and review. when i entered my room, lazyness flowed through my veins and traveled to my heart. instead of reaching for my books, i reached for the remote. i watched tv even though the thought of the exam was still playing at the back of my mind. then suddenly a thought came into my mind, what if, our lives could be the same as the sims'. what if we could just read books or study through the computer to have good grades. what if we could gain happiness by just playing, watching tv and doing some other recreational activites. life would be sweeter i thought. but reality flashed again in my mind when my mom entered the room and asked me, "aren't you going to study. it thought you have an exam?". i felt the pressure brought by my studies. i felt that my life could never be a sims life. i coudn't just do anything i want and make my mood good. i can't cook food in just 20 secs and my fridge doesn't have all the foods that i want. i can't gain friends easily by just talking about interests. i can't have an instant work just through the internet and newspaper. in short, a sims life is far, way too far from human life. human life is fulll of problems that can't be removed by just playing or reading books. my personal characteristics can't be established by just playing the piano, painting, reading and so on.

human life is really far from sims life. we can never cheat to have big bucks and we can never pause the time or go back to where we were once so to prevent mistakes and troubles.

i really love playing sims. i feel like i'm God. i can control their life and everything. how i wish God would take care of my life the way i take care of my sims. but i'm sure God knows what to do. and uhmm, abotu my exam, i took it this morning without even a glimpse of my lecture. haha!

domino

i've watched domino in star movies last night. it was my third time to watch it. i really didn't like it at first for it seemd like a guy-movie. the effects and camera view made me dizzy for everything that happened: the characters' movements and words were all fast. i couldn't even understand some. so i didn't finish it at first for i fell asleep. then i saw it again on star movies. i was really bored that time so i watched it patiently trying to understand the whole scenario. i was really amazed how keira knightly acted domino's character. i've seen keira portrayed feminine roles, and now she was a tough girl. somehow i felt inside me, i wanted to be her (domino harvey), tough she was ambitious and knows what she wants. i want to experience full autonomy were you will decide what step to take and solve your own problems. i want to be independent. i want to be tough, not easily affected by people arround me. i want to search what i want. and when i already found my passion, found what makes me happy, i will do anything just to achieve it. though domino was tough, she had a soft heart for the needy, was loyal to her friends and loved her mother very much. i really want to be like her. though i don't really know what a bounty hunter means, i think i want to live their life even just for a week and do what domino did. for even though she did bad things, she helped others and found inner peace. i will never forget one of her lines, "i want the world to know my life." in some way i want the world to know mine too. but it's really impossible. but still i want to make a change and fight for what i believe in.

this is the day!

i woke up this morning feeling tired and nervous. i finished studying last night around 12 am and i got up 5:30. i felt like i just slept for only a while. my head ached and i was so nervous. i went to school stilll feeling nervous. i didn't finish all the concepts yet. i still had many concepts to memorize and understand. i couldn't concentrate studying in the room for all the people are talking about the concepts. wheeww this was really hard, i thought.

when it was my turn for my oral defense, i became relaxed. i never felt any nervousness. i though one of my favorite intructor will be my panelist. so i went to my room and waited for him. but to my surprise, it wasn't him. it was a different instructor. one that i've never been with. i became really nervous and scared. but then as i spoke, i became relaxed and confident.

in the middle of my defense she threw questions that really made my mind work. i didn't care if she thought my defense was wrong. i just told her what i thought was right. then she suddenly asked me "do i deserve your work?" i was shocked with her question. it made me feel that my work is all wrong. i really controlled my feelings and told myself not to cry. my tears didn't fall for my mind was really working and searching for answers.

in the end, i still got a nice grade. i got 1.75. the highest grade is 1.0. wheeww.. that was close. i really hate orals. oral recitation, oral demonstration and oral revalida.

so much tension

whoa.. this is my first post for my new blog. i'm so happy that i have my own blog right now for i can now express my emotions for the world to know. i'm so tired of holding my feelings in my heart because i don't have someone to talk to. i just hope i could update everything here. our oral revalida is on thursday and i still havent reviewed all the concepts yet. my stomach just go "blah" everytime the thought of the revalida comes into my mind. there is really nothing to be afraid of. because as long as you did your review and studied very well, you could answer all the questions and explain everything. but the thought of being in a small space with you standing and talking infront of your clinical instructor really makes my knees tremble. the fact that, everything you do will affect your grade and everything that will come out of your mind will make you stay in this course or not, make me feel this mixed emotions of tense, fear, excitedness and happiness. i am happy cause i know once i finished my defense, i could start to relax and feel the breeze of the coming christmas. for all those other bloggers that could read this, please do pray for me because i really nedd support specially God's grace. but i know within me i can do it. i've been focusing for two nights now and i know i can reach the stars if not the moon. God bless us all and i will go back now to studying.