achy breaky heart

15 to 12 midnight. i'm really sleepy and my eyes ache. but i can't understand why i can't sleep. i know that my body is really tired now and it longs for the cold soft sheets of my bed but i really can't sleep. maybe because my heart is still longing for something. the fulfillment of my heart's desire will help me be relaxed and be able to have a good night sleep. but what does my heart want? my mind is filled with confusion. i am thinking of many things though some are not really worthy of my time. some are not big deal but they still affect me somehow. i'm tired of being tired, you know what i mean. tired of hoping and wondering what could have been if blah blah and blah blah. i kept thinking of these things since the day we parted ways. i really want a piece of mind now but my heart won't let me. i've been thinking of the answers why didn't it happen the way i dreamt about it. why am i left hanging on without anyone to catch me? am i the only one feeling this way? what is the purpose? i wanna know the answers and i wanna know it now. i've been hurting for a month now but still there's no way that could help me lessen the pain. no matter how i try to express my feelings it is still the same or it becomes worse. i'm afraid that one day my heart would just stop beating. beating for the dreams we built together, beating for the memories we once shared and beating for the care we once had for each other. what would happen if that day comes? are you gonna be happy, for at least you are now free? will you regret? will you wish you just did something to ease my pain? i will just try not to worry and just be happy. i will just let my heart agonize silently. for i kow time cures all pain. it would be hard but i know someday it will happen.

Did you see the changes?

Yesterday:

I always thought you were the best
I guess I always will.
I always thought that we were blessed
And I feel that way still.
Sometimes we took the hard road
But we always saw it through.

Sometimes the world was on our side
Sometimes it wasn't fair.
Sometimes it gave a helping hand
Sometimes we didn't care.

'Cause when we were together
It made the dream come true.

If I had only one friend left
I'd want it to be you.



Today:

I always thought you were the best
I guess I always will.
I always thought that I was blessed
Coz i am still here..
I always take the hard road
Coz you are not with me.

Sometimes the world is on my side
Often times it is so unfair.
Before you gave a helping hand
Now it seems you don't care.

'Cause now we're not together
It made the dream crash down.



If I had only one friend left
I still want it to be you.

it hurts to see a friend cry :(

unang kita ko pa lang sa kanya kaninang umaga, alam ko nang may mali sa kanya. tinitignan ko siya sa kinauupuan niya. malungkot, tulala at para bang gustong gusto na niang umiyak. hindi ako nakatiis at tinanong ko siya anong problema. at nung kumakain na nga kami sinabi niya kung anong problema. grabe! yun lang ang masasabi ko! sa mga oras na nahihirapan at nasasaktan siya, hindi ko man lang alam. ang isang joke na inaasar ko sa kanila totoo pala. sorry hindi ko alam. pero sana nalaman ko na lang para nadamayan kita at naipagtanggol pa. isa lang ang nakita ko sa kanya, she loves deeply. sobrang tindi ng pagmamahal na iyon kaya natiis nia lahat ng mga nangyari. saludo ako sayo! at kung binabasa mo man to, sana wag mo na siyang isipin dahil hindi mo dapat pinagaaksayahan ng oras ang mga ganong tao. nandito ako, nandito kami, mahal ka namin. sana kapag nakita kitang muli, hindi na namumugto ang mga mata mo at nakakatawa ka na ulit. :)

tamaan ang tamaan

bakit ka ba ganyan? ikaw naman yung gumagawa ng mga issues. magsasabi ka kaagad ng balita tapos namisunderstood mo lang pala. naman oh! madaldal ka kasi maxado eh. nag-aaway ang mga tao sa ginagawa mo. at lamu ba hindi ko pa nakakalimutan yung ginawa mo samin. tapos bigla bigla na lang na ok na na ganun na lang. di ka ba magsosorry? hindi naman porke't kaibigan ka namin ok lang samin na ganunin mo kami. sana naman mafeel mo na nasaktan mo kami. hindi na nga kita tinetext eh tapos bigla ka magtetext na may probrelamo ka dun sa kasama mo. edi ba mas pinapaniwalaan mo pa nga ang iba kesa samin na mga friends mo, edi dun ka sa mga reliable sources or friends (if that's what you call them) lumapit. tska sana maisip mo din naman yung mararamdaman namin at kung nung kasama mo kapag bigla bigla kang nagaganyan. madaldal ka kasi maxado eh. ikaw ang gumagawa ng sarili mong problema. hidni na nga lang ako nagpapaapekto sa mga balita mo sakin pero ikaw naman tuoy tuloy parin hindi nakakaramdam. kaibigan ka ba talaga? mas mukha ka pa ngang traydor eh. kasama mo tapos isusumbong mo sakin na ganun ganto. sino mas mukhang back fighter satin at hindi mapagkakatiwalaan?!

mejo booboo parin

ay naku naman talaga. kaya ayoko magbukas ng pc kapag may ibang ginanagawa kasi naman nakakalimutan ko na yung ginagawa ko talaga tulad ng cnp. hayy tapos hindi ko pa maalala yung inflammatory process. bakit ganun hindi ko maretain huhu. siguro mga 3 or 4 times ko na yun inulit ulit kabisaduhin kasi nakakalimutan ko ulit di ko parin alam hanggang ngayon. yung iba kaya kabisado? ay naku. birthday pala nung dati kong classmate. si rose, sana masaya ka. ge na nga bb. at board pala ni claro, sana pumasa ka. oi serene yung pyesta ko ah hehehe!

see you again

i feel sad. it is just 2 days before our summer class. i don't know how to go to school anymore. just a month ago, i am happy at school for my friends are complete, i got beshi, my bitches and the rest of my friends. but now, i just don't know how to walk at school, to eat at the canteen or wherever, to laugh inside the room, to sing, to be happy and to be me. it's really hard to accpet until now that they are gone. they are off to a new school. things happened so fast and i didn't realize that they are already slipping slowly. i don't know why it needs to end like this. can't we be just happy stduying at the same school. it would really be a different section B now. i'm scared of meeting new friends and getting close to them because i'm not sure if they would be there until we graduate. wheww! everything vanished. our plans before graduation, the places we want to go and i'm not sure how many times we wil see each other in a week. seeing them even once a week would be nice. even once a month would still be fine. as long as the sommunication is there, i will feel great. i'm gonna miss them for real. i'll just deal with what happened because God wanted it to be that way and there's nothing i can do about it.

my new family

i was really really sad when i heard that i was transferred to another section. hay bagong pakikisama na naman. but the thought of having to spend time with my old friends made me feel better. at first everything was fine. pero di nagtagal na-miss ko yung mga dati kong blockmates. nakakalungkot kasi iba na talaga kahit pa na kasama ko rin ay yung iba kong former classmates. lalo na nung nalaman ko ang group ko for duty. huhu.. wala akong kilala sa kanila, meron isa lang pero hindi kami ganun kaclose kaya nalulungkot talaga ako. namimiss ko sila jhoy, jhen, mark, noe, joanna, rachel, bea, cheq at eunice. i miss having fun time with them. i miss goofing out with them. i miss their jokes kahit na hindi ko maget agad.. haha.. wow ngayon ko lang narealize ang saya pala namin.. hayyy c1 i miss you all. you will always be in my heart.

ngayon, b1 na ako, uhmm at first i was really sad. i cry to joy most of the times kapag nag-oopen up ako.. hayy ganun din pala nafeefeel nila.. pero xempre this is my group now and i have nothing to do but to accpet them.. it was our first duty today.. after spending 8 hours with them.. haha ang saya ko na rin.. comfortable narin akong kasama sila.. lalo na si km hindi niya ako iniwan kahit mahilig siya magtampo.. kristle, karen, nikki, jr, karl, abhi, bianca, lorie at km haha masaya na ako dahil sa inyo..

pero xempre namimiss ko parin si cari.. kapatid ko yun eh..